Where's the phone?

I got myself this brand new (old model though) mobile phone a few days back. A Nokia E series phone, this was supposed to be a ‘status symbol’ to kind of let people know that I head the business for a particular geography in my company! My thought on that was simply that if all those people heading the business for any geography of every company were to get phones like that, Nokia wouldn’t have to focus much on marketing! But anyway, I became the sucker too.
Once the phone was bought, the next obvious question was where to keep it! It was meant to be displayed you see – so hiding it in a pocket didn’t make sense. But hey, if I don’t hide it, then what do I do? Hold it? That would mean my right palm (or left) being occupied with a phone all the time. Hands not free – hell, I speak with my hands! Having one hand clutching something all the time will seriously impair my speech, no communication, I mean gesticulations – whatever!
So, a smart idea would be to have a pouch that hangs from the belt and have the phone there. A horizontal pouch? Or a vertical one? Even before I could solve that, someone pointed out where the poch would be hanging from would be perilously close to ‘you-know-what’! I said ‘So what?’ They said “Well, you don’t yet have kids and I am sure you want some. Apparently radiation that close causes impotency!” I wanted to ask him proof for that, wanted to read the report on that finding etc etc, but then dropped the idea. Even if there were a finding that proved the opposite, I would be dead scared! Ok – pouch dropped, what else? Trouser pocket! Again front pockets dropped because of the above mentioned reason. Back pocket? Heheheh – I am sure I will look funny feeling my rearside very frequently. But more importantly, the damn pickpockets will ensure that my phone doesn’t stay there long. Ok – how about shirt pocket. Too close to the heart they say (yeah – the manufacturers always make shirt with left pockets. Don’t ask me ‘Aapka left ya mera left?’).
By now, I am perfectly willing to give up the idea of displaying my phone. I say, fine, I will keep it hidden – maybe in my laptop bag, or in my shoe or someplace like that where the radiation cannot harm anything important. Interesting – but then how should I pick my calls? Hmm… hands free? Ok – I haven’t seen or heard of a hands free that can stretch from the shoe to the ear. Even in case there is one, I will look like a tree carrying a black creeper. Similar problem with laptop bag – I will need a hands-free that is sturdy enough to support the bag. Ok – how about blue tooth! Bingo – the Bluetooth earpiece is the solution to all my problems. Tell you what – they say the radiation is not that bad either and it is all very safe. So, that’s what I did. Phone in bag (and I carry my bag around), bluetooth earpiece on ear (my wife says it looks like a cockroach – but never mind, she’s jealous) and there I am ready to take any call.
Which is when one day I got a call, picked it up and upon being asked “What the hell is happening in Bangalore?”, I retorted “Who the F#$* is this?”. I remember the earful I got, to this day. It was my boss calling and in my eagerness to get a Bluetooth earpiece I had ignored one simple fact – that if a phone is hidden, how the blazes do I find out who’s calling up? No wonder, a small dose of radiation is sometimes safer that staying away from it. Elementary , my dear Watson?